


Letting Go

by h8tedhannah



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Bisexual, Coming Out, Gay, M/M, Onesided Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-07-04
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:15:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25062994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h8tedhannah/pseuds/h8tedhannah
Summary: “I loved him so much; I had to let him go.”The story of how exactly Charlie knew just what to do to get the boy he loved, Alex Standall. The story of how Zach was a good friend, but had heartbreak in the process.Double sided Zalex/Chalex fic ; takes place after s4 rooftop kiss
Relationships: Charlie St. George/Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey & Alex Standall, Zach Dempsey/Alex Standall
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	Letting Go

Zach sighed and looked down at his phone again. He was about to make a very hard decision, probably one that would change his life forever. He was sober, for once, and as his fingers hovered over the keyboard his eyes began to water at the thought of what was about to change.

To: Charlie St. George  
Zach: Hey man, do you mind meeting at Monet’s in the morning? There’s something kinda important I wanna talk about.

Charlie: is typing....

Zachs swallowed the lump in his throat as he waited for the football teams star player to answer.

Charlie: Yeah man, everything good?

Zach: Yeah. Everything’s fine.

But really? Was everything fine? No, far from it.

Alex had just kissed Zach. Fucking kissed his best friend. Sure, he might have been close to death and Zach had romantically saved him; but the kiss made him feel more confused than he ever had in his entire life. It was like a rush of energy, greater than any drug or drink could do, a giant jolt that awakened Zach’s heart. He found himself about to kiss back, because everything he had realized came flying at him at once. The kiss felt so good, so right. He felt so at peace and loved, like all his confusing feelings for the shorter boy were suddenly solved.

And then he remembered he was kissing Alex.  
And not only that; but he was a drunken WRECK kissing Alex.

And with that, as much as it hurt to pull away and deny his gayness, he knew he had to.

Because Zach was a fucking wreck.

He wasn’t the guy he was a year ago, the sporty, caring, sweet, Zach. He was the mean, asshole, drunk, careless Zach. He had chosen to become a different person and lead the path to darkness. And Alex didn’t deserve to be dragged down that path just because his best friend was.

He cared about Alex, he LOVED the boy, but couldn’t find it within himself to want to be with him. As much as he longed to cuddle the smaller boy and kiss him all over, he didn’t deserve Alex. He needed someone good for him, not a drunken asshole, a sweet person with a good heart who treated him like the king he was.

And that’s why Zach met Charlie that day.

“Hey man! You good?”  
Zach was snapped out of his thoughts by a smiley Charlie, who sat in front of him with a hot chocolate. Alex’s favorite of course.  
“Yeah. Look. I’m just gonna come out and say it. I know you have a crush on Alex.” Zach said, refusing to meet eyes with Charlie.  
Charlie’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open as his pale skin grew dark red.  
“Keep your fucking voice down Dempsey! Clay and Justin are right there!” He whisper yelled frantically. Zach couldn’t let out anything but a small laugh. “I-is it that...obvious..?” Charlie said, now looking Zach in the eyes. Zach put on the fakest smile he could. “Yea, well, to me at least. I spend the most time with him so I notice when someone’s constantly drooling over him and shit. Really your bad at hiding your stares St. George.” “O-oh. Well.. is he actually you know, gay?” He asked, turning an even darker red shade than before. “Um. Well yeah, I’m pretty sure.” Zach responds, his mind flashing back to the events of the lockeroom and the kiss, events that would make him question if his best friend was in love with him or not. An unreadable look appeared on Zach’s face as he thought of the past, a look that alarmed Charlie. “Oh my God. I- I’m sorry if I got in the way...I’ll stay out of it. I know you guys have probably been dating for a while now in secret, and I respect that you-.” Zach laughed and slammed his hand on the table, somewhat wishing Charlie’s words were true. “Charlie, I’m straight. We’re not dating.” Zach lied, gritting his teeth. “I came here because; because I think- I think you’d be really great for him. You’ve been an amazing friend, And I think, I think I want you to set you guys up.” Charlie’s mouth widened in shock, that was the last thing he expected to hear from Zach. For god sakes, Charlie thought he was here for something entirely different. “You think, he’ll like me back?” Charlie asked.

The truth was yes, but no. Zach knew Charlie was the right guy for him because in a way, Charlie was what Zach was 2 years ago. Charlie was what Alex had fallen in love with. Caring, smart, life together, the good and loving person that Alex needed. Although maybe nothing could ever replace the Zach Alex fell in love with, Charlie was probably the next best, or actually way way better version of that.

“Well, if I’m going to play match maker for you; you’re going to need to take a few notes. Alex is- Alex is a hard one to love sometimes.” Zach said, biting back tears at the thought of letting Alex go. Charlie looked back up at him, eager with puppy dog eyes to finally get a chance with the boy he’s secretly liked for months. And so, Zach began his lecture.

“Ok, so I can control his TBI by touch? Like if I grabbed his hands or something that will work?” Charlie asked. “It’s important to focus on his breathing to calm him down. Some episodes are worse than others, but really, that would work.” Zach said, tapping his hand on the side of his mug. “And here. Give me your phone. I’m going to download Alex’s Spotify playlist onto your phone. Listen to all of them, but really dive into the lyrics of the first five, those are his favorite and he likes to talking about the deeper meaning or some shit.” Zach said, typing away at Charlie’s phone. He knew so much about Alex it would take days to tell him everything. “Oh and, don’t go all out with shit in public like promposals and shit, Alex hates that.” Charlie nodded, but it didn’t seem he was listening anymore. “Zach, why- why are you helping me so much?” He asked. Zach looked up from his phone and his heart shattered as he thought of the real reason. “Alex is- a great guy. And he’s my best friend and I think he needs someone right now. Someone that will show him love and affection. I really think he needs someone like you.” Charlie smiled at his words and laughed. “Wow. Um. Zach, you are an amazing friend. You know, when you’re not drunk as shit.”

Friend. Yeah, that’s what that was exactly. Although Zach longed to be more than friends with Alex, he had to face the fact he was his friend at the end of the day. His best friend. And best friends are supposed to always look out for eachother and do the best for eachother. So even if it wasn’t the best feeling to let Alex go, it was the right thing to do. For Alex’s sake.

“Go get em tiger. I’ve trained you well. Also if he kisses you by the end of the week you owe me a bottle of Vodka; I don’t do this shit for free all the time.” Zach said, patting Charlie on the back. Charlie smiled. “Thanks man. You don’t know how long I’ve wanted Alex. He’s all I’ve been thinking about for the past months. I- im I- I think I’m in love with him.”

And with that, Zach walked out of Monet’s with a single tear spilling down his eye in defeat. It was over and done. The right thing had been done, but goddam did it hurt.

—————-

After that lockdown drill, everything changed. Zach will never forget that day, Charlie running up to him with an unforgettable sparkle in his eyes. “Your bottle of Vodka, it’s in the locker.” He said, smirking. Zach felt his heart drop to his knees as Alex ran into view, wrapping his hands around Charlie as Charlie kissed him on the cheek. “Well. Um. Wow. Congrats guys.” Zach could only make out. A small voice called out in his head “that should have been me” , but was immediately blocked out by Alex’s stare. He couldn’t tell what exactly Alex was thinking. It was happy, but almost like he was hiding something. He only looked at Zach that way, with a little sad sparkle in his eyes for a moment before it washed away and was replaced by a blank stare at Charlie once again. There was something about Zach and Alex that they were feeling; yet neither of them could understand what that feeling was for themselves. Maybe it was longing, or leftover feelings from the kiss months ago, but it didn’t matter right?

It was time to move on.  
And as much as that hurt Zach and Alex, to give up that small glimmer of hope for a future together; Alex had someone who looked at him like he was his entire universe. And to see Alex happy is the best thing Zach wished for.

So as Alex wrapped his arms around Charlie on prom night, their smile’s brightening the room and their crowns slowly swaying on their head; Alex figured it out. He loved Charlie, but he also loved Zach. But Charlie was a different kind of love, and although he would never be Zach, Alex loved him just as much.

Sometimes you have to do that to the people you love, no matter how much you love them, you have to let them go.

**Author's Note:**

> Pretty sure I’m keeping this as a oneshot idk don’t come for me about not getting Zalex endgame here if anything I think this is most realistic and probably what would have happened in the show.


End file.
